Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.
Harry S. Truman

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.
J.P. Getty

Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.
Pauline Thomason

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Woody Allen

The only difference between a Britney Spears video and a spread in Playboy is at least the centerfolds know they can’t sing.
Bono

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Marvin Kitman

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Fred Allen

Today is the last day of some of your life.
Author Unknown

There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder.
Ronald Reagan

Getting kicked in the nuts hurts a lot more than delivering a baby.
Anonymous

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.

This entry was posted on January 18, 2010 at 7:43 am and is filed under Funny Quotes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.