Funny Quotes About Life

Here is a collection of famous funny quotes about relationship:

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henry Youngman

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen

The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
Ronnie Edwards

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
Fran Lebowitz

It seems essential, in relationships and all tasks, that we concentrate only on what is most significant and important.
Soren Kierkegaard

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
Albert Einstein

You don’t want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man who can fix the toilet.
Pamela Anderson

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.
Jean Kerr

What can you say to a man who has just had sex? Anything you like as he is asleep.

Ah, yes, divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams

My advice to you is to get married: if you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you will become a philosopher.
Socrates

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
Barbara Howar

I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license made out To Whom It May Concern.
Mickey Rooney