Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards. Benjamin Franklin Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. Evan Esar If [...]
There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? Airplane I know they were just kids…but man we beat the fuck out of them! Dogma All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s [...]
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. Katharine Whitehorn Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller Next to a [...]
Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I’ll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I’ll give you a stock clerk. J.C. Penney The most important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority [...]
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back. I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability [...]
A lot of fellows these days have a B.A., M.D., or a Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B. Fats Domino Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools. Truman Capote I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other [...]
I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids. Johathan Raban If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde [...]
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. John Barrymore Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three. Billie Holiday Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she [...]
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !) It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours. Harry S. Truman If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. J.P. Getty Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener. [...]
Here is a collection of famous funny quotes about relationship: Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henry Youngman In my house I’m the boss, my wife [...]